True Beauty: Transparency

Over the past few weeks, I've opened my inbox to have several emails from people I don't know. The email addresses are different, but the content is essentially the same. They are all from women who have trusted Jesus Christ as their Savior, they have read my recently-published book, and like me, they have at one point in their life, either now or previously, battled an eating disorder.

I've had ups and downs reading their notes. Sometimes, I can identify with their stories so well that I am brought to tears. Other times, I rejoice so loudly with their victory in Jesus over their past destructive behavior, I wake James up. (I check my emails in the morning, and I get up before him - whoops!)

However, today, I got a particular email that broke my heart more than others. Though this young woman has definitely had her share of struggle, it wasn't the details of her eating disorder, or even her depression, that devastated me.

She wrote...

"Last night, I told my sister and a handful of close friends [about my struggle with the eating disorder.] It is amazing to see how the Lord is already working through it. I have a few good friends who are currently struggling with eating disorders. I would have never been able to understand or relate, nor would they have ever told me, if I wasn't first upfront and vulnerable in front of them."

Three things in this paragraph caught my eye.

1. Of the handful of close friends she told who she knew she could count on to pray, a few of them (defined as at least 3 or more) are currently struggling with an eating disorder.

Maybe we've allowed ourselves to become immune to the statistics:

- 1 in 5 women currently have an eating disorder.

- 90% of the women who do have eating disorders are between the ages of 12-25.

- Twenty percent of the women who do survive anorexia will die prematurely due to health conditions caused by the eating disorder.

But those statistics don't represent numbers - they represent people. And they aren't strangers - they are people you know. She's the woman who sits in front of you on Sunday mornings in church. She's the student who walked by you on campus today. She's the young girl who just joined the youth group. She may even be your daughter, your mother....maybe even the pastor's wife.

We have all of the research, so being uneducated can't be the reason we don't act upon it. Certainly, we can't believe this type of unhealthy lifestyle is acceptable, so that can't be why we don't respond. Yet, remaining silent certainly takes less time and energy than dealing with the consequences of our actions or attempting to change.

2. If one person is willing to be vulnerable, others will follow.

The next time you're at church, test my "fine disease" theory. Ask five people how they are doing, and at least four of them will quickly respond to you, "Fine." Of course they are. I'm fine, you're fine...all of God's people are just fine!

We want to appear confident. Put-together. Solid. Because somehow, we have wrongly associated lack of difficulty in our life with godliness.

Wrong.

Don't believe me? Just check out Psalm 34:19 and 2 Timothy 3:12.

Persecution and affliction are not a maybe thing when you walk with Christ. It's not even a most-likely thing. It's a promise.

But what happens when we keep our struggles inside? We quietly pray, hoping that no one notices any broken pieces we haven't frantically tried to glue back together. When God restores the situation, we silently bow our heads and give Him praise.

Do you see what's wrong with this picture? We give God a golf clap (which is way lame, if you ask me, and one of the many reasons why I choose to watch football instead) when we should be wearing His jersey, jumping up and down, screaming with excitement as He runs us into the end zone!

Every time I share about my shortcomings in my walk with Christ, people line up to talk to me afterwards. Many times, it's just to utter the two words that were actually the subject line of the email I've referred to in this post: "Me too."

3. As soon as this young woman opened her mouth and shared her struggles, God started working in her life...and in the lives around her.

One of my favorite passages in Scripture is 2 Corinthians 4:5-9:

"For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."

For this to make sense, we have to remember that "jars of clay" is an ancient metaphor for human weakness. So if you were just to isolate that one passage, it reads:

"But we have this treasure in human weakness to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."

Make it even more personal: We have an opportunity in our human weakness to show others the power of God.

Picture for one second that you are that clay jar. Imperfection happens. Maybe it's anorexia, but maybe you struggle in another area: jealousy, gossip, sexual sin, drugs, lying. Maybe you're struggling in your marriage or maybe you're compromising your morals at work. But when you try to piece yourself back together, you're just a clay pot with a bunch of dull cracks.

However, when you share your struggles with others, when you admit your imperfections....that is when His light can shine through you to penetrate into the lives of others. And where does the light shine the brightest - in the pieces that are solid and held together? No. God's light shines brightest through the cracks of the jar of clay...in our human weakness.

Instead of seeing transparency as messy and broken, can we recognize it as the opportunity for God's light to shine brightly through us?

Transparency is beautiful.

Let Him bust down your wall.

Let him peel off your mask.

Allow Him to mold you into the very person He created you to be.

A Biblical Review of Superficial - (Not the Heidi Montag Album)

BEFORE/AFTER

I was standing in the checkout line of the grocery store. Inevitably, those "trusty" magazine racks were there to ensure I was entertained while I waited. I saw a picture of a girl I almost recognized on the cover of People magazine with the caption "Not Addicted to Plastic Surgery." Looking closely, I realized it was Heidi Montag of the MTV reality show, The Hills.

Before Heidi ever celebrated her 21st birthday, she was no stranger to plastic surgery. She'd already had breast augmentation, lip collagen injections and a nose job. Now 23, she's unveiled herself this week to reveal the results of the 10 procedures she had done in November: mini brow lift, botox in forehead and frown area, nose job revision, fat injections in cheeks, nasolabial folds and lips, chin reduction, neck liposuction, ears pinned back, breast augmentation revision, liposuction on waist, hips, outer and inner thighs and buttock augmentation.

Are you serious?

But she's not alone. About 2 million people in the USA subject themselves to plastic surgery each year. Not so shocking, more females undergo these procedures than males. More shocking: Rather than most of the surgeries being done by older women attempting to reverse or stall the aging process, most patients are younger rather than older.

Many different factors effect my opinion on plastic surgery. The underlying motivation for any unnecessary cosmetic procedure is vanity, which means you've made yourself your own idol. I used to think that only arrogant people were the ones who idolized themselves. However, throughout my recovery from anorexia, I realized that even though I had a very low opinion of myself, my thoughts and actions still revolved all around me. I was my own idol just as much as someone who thinks too highly of themselves. The Bible warns against both conceit (Philippians 2:3-4) and putting too much focus on our appearance (1 Timothy 2:9).

Not to mention, there's the practical side of the argument. These procedures are wildly expensive and not covered by insurance. In addition, recovery time for most surgeries is 6-8 weeks. Not even mentioning the pain and discomfort, that's a long time to be away from responsibilities- whether your job, school, or simply being an ambassador for Christ. Plastic surgery doesn't seem to go along with the Bible's teaching of being wise with the resources God entrusts to us (Proverbs 11:24-25; Luke 16:10-12).

But it doesn't end there. Once you put yourself into the slippery slope of being overly concerned with the approval of the world, lines get fuzzy, decisions become difficult, and before you know it, boundaries get crossed.

Take a close look at the girl on the left. Sure, she may not be the curviest woman to ever walk the red carpet. Her hair has some flyaways, and Hollywood stylists would probably say she's not wearing enough makeup for the camera. One thing is for sure though: she has a killer smile - a smile that starts with her mouth as if she's beginning to laugh and spreads up to her eyes lit up with life.

The girl on the right doesn't have that. Her nose may be perfectly-shaped, and she may have more of the dream silhouette figure, but that smile is gone. Her eyes are lifeless. Her mouth is attempting to curve up in a smile, but it doesn't cover up the fact that she just looks sad. It's as if these two pictures aren't of the same person.

Heidi's bio on Twitter simply reads, "I love Jesus!" In an interview with USA Today, she talks about reading her Bible regularly and describes herself as "kind of a non-denominational Baptist. I have been the most religious person since I was 2 years old. I always felt this crazy connection to God."

Yet, one of her recent tweets invites you to download her new music album on iTunes (somewhat appropriately titled Superficial) -- with links to both the clean version and the explicit version. In 2009, she posed for an extremely provocative photo spread for Maxim...then posed completely naked for Playboy just a few months later.

I just want to shake some sense into her.

I assure you, my desire to shake her doesn't stem from judgement. I've made just as many mistakes as she has - perhaps more. But as someone who has been there, who has tried to live both following God and being of the world, I wish I could tell her it doesn't work. That's a hard life to live.

Trying to remember how you're supposed to act every place you go, searching to remember what actions are acceptable in which places, desperately seeking for approval of whoever is around whenever they're around....it's exhausting.

In Matthew 15:8, Jesus quotes the prophet Isaiah in a discussion with the Pharisees: "This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me; in vain do they worship Me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men."

So many of us get trapped into the same thing. We know the right answers we are supposed to say while we're at church or around other believers. Yet, we let the condition of the world have a greater impact on our lives than the teachings of God - the world that seeks to condition us to believe that our society used to be too conservative. We've evolved. We've changed with times. Things that were once unacceptable are now okay. Go ahead. Let loose. Live a little!

But that's not the case. Times change. God doesn't. No matter how much applause I get from people on this earth, it never fills the void of my deepest desire to have the approval of the One who created me.

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30). Even Dr. 90210 cannot hold back the hands of time. All cosmetic surgeries will become lost with aging. Everything that's lifted now will eventually sag. No amount of botox will be able to control the wrinkles forever.

Though I love getting dressed up, trying new beauty products and dressing up jeans and a t-shirt with funky accessories as much as the next female, I try to remind myself often that the only thing really worth beautifying is who I am on the inside: “that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight” (1 Peter 3:4).

This is not a post to question the salvation of Heidi Montag -- or even of anyone who has had plastic surgery done. I just want to offer a different perspective, so I leave you with imagery that I remind myself on days when I find myself being too consumed with what the world sees on the outside.

Imagine your Creator forming you in your mother's womb. He gets excited as He decides on every feature. He gives you your father's dimples, your mother's hair, and even throws in your grandmother's smile. He knows that when she dies when you're only 8-years-old, that smile will comfort your mother in her mother's absence. He gives you a dose of determination, even though He knows that will undoubtably manifest itself frequently in the form of stubbornness. He thinks about your life with a smile as He makes the finishing touches - the lives you will touch, how He will use you.

He also knows you will have moments where you will disobey Him. He'll guide you in the way you should go, and you'll defiantly turn against Him. But each time you return to His loving arms, expressing your regret, He'll hold you like you never left...just like He's holding you now.

And though it happens every time He creates one of His children, it never gets old. Each child He creates has a unique purpose, a hope, and a future. He thinks about how much He loves you in those few precious moments He has with just you...before anyone else even knows you exist.

The next time we're challenged to be superficial - whether with our looks or our behaviors - let's fight the urge to be plastic and pray for God to perform surgery on our hearts to align them with His. As Deuteronomy 30:6 says, "The LORD your God will circumcise your hearts and the hearts of your descendants, so that you may love him with all your heart and with all your soul, and live."

Beauty By Design - My Interview with Alyssa Avant

Yesterday, I had the honor of being interviewed on the Mom-Daughter Connection Radio Podcast. Alyssa Avant has a fantastic ministry, and yesterday, her topic was anorexia nervosa. Alyssa set up our conversation very well on her blog (www.beautybydesignonline.com), so I'm going to re-post her comments and attach a link to the podcast. I hope you will listen.

For today’s show I interviewed a young lady in ministry, Michelle Myers, who several years ago struggled with a big temptation and sin in her life. Her sin was unlike some that teens struggle with, but all the same it was the area where Satan attacked her life.
She shares her story of dealing with anorexia, bringing her close to death, but ultimately closer to Christ. She now shares her story as a way to share Christ with others. It is an awesome testimony all young girls need to hear.

I want to thank Michelle for being on the show and tell you that you must keep an eye out, as Michelle is writing a book that is a must have. She’ll be back on the show once it is available and we’ll be sure to help you know where to get your copy. Thanks Michelle!


Please listen to the podcast by clicking here.

I made HER.

I made HER…

I made her…she is different. She’s unique.

With love, I formed her in her mother’s womb.

I fashioned her with great joy.

I remember with great pleasure, the day I created her.

(Psalm 139:13-16)

I love her smile. I love her crazy ways. I love to hear her laugh.

I love the silly things she says and does. She brings me great pleasure.

This is how I made her.

(Psalm 139:17)

I wanted her to search out her heart.

I wanted her to learn that it is ME in her that makes her beautiful…

And it is ME in her that others find precious.

(1 Peter 3:3-5)

I made her in such a way that she would need Me.

I make her a little more lonesome at times than she would like to be…

Only because I need for her to learn and depend on Me….

I know her heart, and I know if I had not made her like this,

She would go on her own chosen way and forget me…Her Creator.

(Psalm 62:5-8)

I love giving her things in her life that she enjoys,

And I protect her, even when she doesn’t know I’m there,

Because I love her.

(Psalm 84:11)

Because I love her, I have seen her broken heart.

The tears she thought she cried alone, I was there crying with her.

My heart was breaking too.

(Psalm 56:8)

Many times, she thought she stumbled and fell alone.

I was there, but she would not hold My Hand.

She learns so many lessons the hard way

Because so often, she refuses to listen to My voice…

(Isaiah 53:6)

So many times, I sit back

And sadly, I watch her go her merry way alone,

Only to have her, sad and broken, return to My open arms.

(Isaiah 62:2)

I am constantly reshaping her and molding her,

To renew her to the plans I have for her.

It hasn’t always been the easiest path.

(Jeremiah 29:11)

But I still want her conformed to My image…

I have set high goals for her,

Because I love her.

(II Corinthians 2:14)

I have gotten rid of everything she used to be,

And made her completely new.

(II Corinthians 5:17)

She thinks she knows what I have in store for her,

But my purpose is greater than she could ever imagine.

(Proverbs 19:21)

She has to wait on My timing,

But with Me by her side, she will soar above all of life’s storms.

(Isaiah 40:31)

But she is mine.

I bought her for a price much higher than she ever deserved.

And I did it gladly… Because I love her.

(Romans 5:8)

You won't find these translations of these Scripture verses anywhere else. I was introduced to this by a friend. I changed a few words from the original, and I have continued to add verses along as I read things in God's Word that directly speak to me. Personalizing His promises to me help me remember His Word. Please feel free to comment and add verses that speak to you that you think others will benefit from. (The picture on this post is me with my niece Katelyn. This was the first time we met.)

The Treasure of TRUE Beauty

In the last post, I talked about a cheerful giver. What does that look like? To me, I see smiles, joy, and laughter. A woman possessing a heart as described cannot help but radiate on the outside. Her heart is so full of God that it cannot help but manifest itself on the outside.

The Bible teaches that a joyful heart is always accompanied by a cheerful face (Prov 15:13). Similarly, Proverbs 27:19 reads, “As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects man.” The wisdom possessed in the heart of a worthy woman also “illumines” and causes a “stern face to beam” (Ecc 8:1). Therefore, it is easy to see how the female examples given to model biblical womanhood in Scripture are described as beautiful in physical appearance. Their actions coincide with the attributes of a beautiful heart.

For example, Rebekah was described as “very beautiful, a virgin” and immediately met the need of Isaac’s thirst (Gen 24:14;18). Purity, gentleness and compassion accentuated her lovely features.

Esther was likewise described as “beautiful of form and face.” She was also a virgin and predominantly modeled obedience to keeping God’s commands, even when faced with the possibility of losing her own life (Est 2:7; 4:16).

Sarai, the wife of Abraham, was recognized as beautiful, and Peter used her as an example of modeling Godly living with her behavior (Gen 12:11; 1 Pet 3:6).

Ultimately, the goal is not to strive to be like Esther, Rebekah, or Sarai. Rather, a biblical woman’s heart focus should be on Christ, for He is the only one who possessed these heart traits in their entirety. In one of her most well-known works, Elisabeth Elliot wrote, “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man must be seeking the Lord to find it.”

Elliot was referring to a romantic relationship, but the policy applies to a biblical woman’s life in general. A biblical woman lives her life in such a way that in order to grasp the depth of her beauty, one must first understand the magnificence of the Lord.

A biblical woman is worth more than jewels, so she is a rare treasure to all who come in contact with her (Prov 31:10). Just as she is a treasure, she likewise stores up for herself “treasures in heaven, where neither mouth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal” because she knows that her heart follows her treasure (Matt 6:20-21). A biblical woman’s treasure and identity is in Christ.

Lyrics to “Treasure,” a recent worship song include:

My heart is where my treasure lies.
My great reward is in Your eyes.
My every breath belongs to You.
You are my treasure.

In fairytales, treasure is frequently buried in secret. Earthly treasures are stored away, regarded as rare, but not enjoyed. However, the treasure of Christ can never be taken away, and the gift of sharing salvation is yet one other attribute that can aid in a woman’s genuine beauty in Christ.

Paul declared in Romans 10:15, “How beautiful are the feet that bring good news!” Biblical women chase guaranteed crowns in heaven by growing in beauty proclaimed by the King of Kings rather than striving for the world’s unpredictable approval. Miss America may only crown one girl each year, but God doesn’t grant first runner-up. Each of His daughters get a crown.

Seek true beauty - serve willingly and cheerfully, reflect Christ with your actions, and tell others about Him.

God Looks at the Heart

After examining what the flesh values, such as youth and appearance, Romans 12:2 reminds believers to not conform to the patterns of this world. While many parts of God’s creation are pleasing to the human eye, God’s perspective proves different.
First Samuel 16:7 explains: “Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

Obviously, this is not referring to the muscle that pumps blood throughout the body, but to the soul and reflection of Christ within a godly woman. First Kings 8:39 says that God is the only one who knows the hearts of all mankind. The Lord even goes as far to search “all hearts and understands every intent of the thoughts” (I Chr 28:9). The Scriptures are very detailed as to what the Lord is looking for in a beautiful heart, so God has outlined His specific checklist for being beautiful in His eyes.

Each piece of a beautiful heart is woven together with God’s clever craftsmanship within His word to describe beauty in the eyes of the supreme Beholder. Each characteristic of a beautiful heart in the Bible matches the description and instruction to worthy women in the passages God intended especially for His daughters. God created men and women equal, but He made them different and clearly defined His plan for biblical womanhood throughout His word.

Today’s recurrent message of the feminist’s “independent woman” directly contradicts the reality of God’s design and gift of femininity. The woman He desires His daughters be and the heart He favors knows His word, keeps His commands, and demonstrates love, wisdom, purity, gentleness, compassion, and humility.

First, a beautiful woman of God knows her Father’s Word. Developing intimacy with God involves spending time with Him and seeking to know Him as He knows His children. Envision a baby girl in her daddy’s arms. At this age, she can only understand His love and strength. As she gets older, she can understand him in many roles, such as her authority and her provider. A relationship with Christ is the same. By becoming familiar with His teachings, a beautiful woman can fully grasp the Heavenly Father’s teachings.

Psalm 119:11 encourages believers to treasure His word in their hearts to prevent sin. Therefore, the responsibility is more than just knowing what the Bible says. Biblical women should model His word in daily life. Deuteronomy 30:14 says, “But the word is very near you, in your mouth and in your heart, that you may observe it.” Ultimately, women of God know what pleases and displeases their Father and respond with respect, or fear of the Lord.

A biblical woman’s fear of the Lord should be praised above charm and beauty (Prov 31:30). Earlier in the passage, it is written that a worthy woman is blessed by her children and praised by her husband (Prov 31:28). Being praised by those closest to her illustrates her authenticity. She demonstrates her fear of the Lord with “chaste and respectful behavior” (1 Pet 3:2). Only a woman who had sought to embrace her role within Scripture would be able to receive such praise.

Along with being able to discern right from wrong, a woman God would deem as beautiful accepts the duty of keeping His commands. Deuteronomy 5:29 reveals God’s desire for His children to have “such a heart in them, that they would fear Me and keep all My commandments always.” So in addition to her fear of the Lord, she desires to keep His commands always. This does not mean she keeps the commands that are easy to follow. Regardless of the level of difficulty, Abba Father has commissioned His daughters to remain faithful. As God searches a woman’s heart, He may even test her to examine her heart and her faithfulness to keep His commands (Deut 8:2).

God knows His children’s specific weaknesses, and in love, He cautions about them in His Word. While He warns man against such things as being “double-tongued or addicted to much wine,” He cautions woman against becoming “malicious gossips” (1 Tim 3:8;11, Tit 2:3). Most women can testify that this is a daily battle. Deborah Tannen, regarded as an expert in gender and linguistics, notes that women use gossip as a means of building relationships. By communicating something that she would not necessarily ever say out loud or in front of a large group, a woman discloses something personal, producing a closeness that women desire in relationships. However, God, the ultimate authority, instructs to not “associate with a gossip” (Prov 20:19). No matter the struggle, when God’s trials come, a God-fearing woman knows what He has called her to do and should follow His instruction.

According to Jesus, the greatest and foremost commandment is to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind” (Matt 22:37; Mark 12:30; Luke 10:27; Deut 6:5). In the next few verses of all the New Testament passages sited above, Jesus states the second greatest commandment is to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt 22:39). Not only does the Lord desire His daughter’s entire heart, but He desires her heart first; He longs for it to be full of His love and for her to pour out that love on others.

In His perfect plan, He uses this beautiful trait of love in His daughters so that others may come to know Him through knowing her. The challenge has often been presented to believers of examining if one were put on trial for being a Christian if there would be enough evidence for conviction. Surely, keeping the greatest commandment and possessing a loving heart would be critical evidence.

Those who choose not to keep His commands will be ruined while “the wise of heart will receive commands” (Prov 10:8). Therefore, a beautiful woman is also wise. God’s academic agenda has a completely different location and set of priorities than what man perceives as wisdom. While the world is consumed with head knowledge, God is concerned with heart knowledge. The name most associated with wisdom in the Bible is King Solomon. First Kings 3:12 shows that God gave Solomon a “wise and discerning heart” and I Kings 10:24 says “all the earth was seeking the presence of Solomon, to hear his wisdom which God had put in his heart.” Specifically, James 3:17states, “The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy.”

From that description, man’s definition of intelligence looks much easier in comparison. However, James 1:5 says, “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” For example, the passage in Proverbs 31 referred to so many times describing a worthy woman was an intense word given to King Lemuel by his mother (Prov 31:1). This God-breathed advice comes to the hearts of women straight from the heart of none other than a biblical woman. God knew and understood the need for women to use words to build relationships; He created His daughters to be this way.

Ponder for a moment on the impact of this passage in Scripture and the detailed insight God delivered through a woman who more than likely had never received formal education. This is the type of speech that will build relationships to replace gossip among sisters in Christ! Rather than corrupted conversation that tears another down, her pure perception continues to encourage and challenge women of the Word.

Just as Paul taught Timothy years later, this king’s godly mother modeled how the goal of instruction is “love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith” (I Tim1:5). Purity is a distinguishing characteristic, separating beautiful women of the world from beautiful women of the Word. In the instance of the Persian kingdom of Ahasuerus, there is a distinct difference between Vashti and Esther. In old Persian, Vashti actually translates to mean “beautiful woman.” When the king sought to find a queen to replace her, he obviously desired more than physical beauty. He requested for “beautiful young virgins” to be brought to his palace (Esther 2:2). Purity set Esther apart, and accompanied with wholesomeness and modesty, it continues to separate biblical women from worldly women.

Matthew 5:8 illustrates the honor that accompanies a pure heart, revealing that the pure in heart will see God. However, John 1:18 says, “No one has seen God.” In her book on the beatitudes, Dorothy Patterson beautifully states that God’s divine character can be seen as He grants spiritual discernment. “The God who is
invisible becomes visible through the Son.” Therefore, a biblical woman realizes in order for Him to increase, she must decrease (John 3:30). Jesus is the only one to ever walk this earth without sin in His heart, so to acquire a pure heart, a beautiful woman must no longer live, but let Christ live in her (Gal 2:20). While God created physical beauty to be enjoyed, the Lord warns against beauty being marked by merely physical appearance, like Vashti.

Rather, the Father encourages “the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God” (1 Pet 3:3-4). While external beauty is passing, her gentle spirit is permanent. Many feminists protest against the teaching of gentleness, manipulating the term to imply frailty. Rather, gentleness manifests a tender strength. “Meekness is not weakness…It is submissiveness under provocation, the willingness to suffer than to inflict injury. The meek [or gentle] person leaves everything in the hand of Him who loves and cares.” Therefore, a biblical woman puts full trust and faith in her Lord rather than trying to live life on her own.

Unbelieving (and some believing) feminists cringe at the mention of woman giving up her “right to independence” for total dependence on anyone, including God. However, a biblical and beautiful woman realizes that her God is all-knowing, all-powerful, and almighty. She trusts in the fact that she is clothed in strength that comes from the Lord. A worthy woman is bound “with strength and makes her arms strong, and she is not afraid of the snow for her household” (Prov 31:17; 21;25). Repeating themes of strength, boldness, and courage in this passage eliminate weakness from her image. She realizes she has been chosen of God and accompanies her heart of gentleness with complementing attributes, such as compassion and humility (Col 3:12). She humbles herself, recognizing that she is subservient to Almighty God. Jesus said, “Learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart” (Matt 11:29). If Jesus, who possessed God’s power and lived a sinless life, responds to God in meekness, how much more should His sinful children submit to Him?

Reflect on the hours leading to Christ’s crucifixion. Jesus did not resist or fight back. As prophesied, Jesus was led like a lamb to slaughter; “He was oppressed and He was afflicted, yet He did not open His mouth” (Is 53:7). In place of resentment, Jesus offered compassion, requesting that God forgive them because they did not know what they were doing (Luk 23:34).

Compassion is defined as “a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.” Scripture teaches to take this desire that comes with compassion and respond with mercy through serving and giving to God and others. Prov 31:20 describes, “She extends her hands to the poor, and she stretches out her hands to the needy.” As a genuine and generous servant, a beautiful woman doesn’t just offer care at her convenience. She extends and stretches her hands, and she even “works with her hands in delight” (Proverbs 31:13). She goes out of her way to joyfully express sensitivity and to invest in others. As stated in 2 Corinthians 9:7, “Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”

Getting Past the Mirror

Throughout history, women have sought to find identity in their physical appearance. While young boys aspire to play professional football to prove their strength, little girls dream of becoming Miss America to verify their beauty.

In the United States alone, women spend more money annually on beauty products than the nation spends on education. Over six billion dollars is spent on makeup alone. So in some distorted way, the image of beauty is fixated on a solitary crown that must be won before the age of twenty-four or pre-packaged dyes that will inevitably empty over time.

External beauty is where too many women, God-fearing women included, strive to find their value. Proverbs 31:31 is a beautiful reminder that this type of beauty fades, but eternal beauty in a relationship with God continues to develop as one grows in daily fellowship with Him. Instead of dwindling like cosmetics, biblical women can become more beautiful with each day.

In Ways of Seeing, Berger acknowledges that women live in a self-conscious world. A woman has “to survey everything she is and everything she does because how she appears to others, and ultimately how she appears to men, is of crucial importance for what is normally thought of as the success of her life.” He insists that this pattern is instilled from a young age, and he appears to be correct. In 1998, Exeter University conducted a study of 37,500 girls between the ages of twelve and fifteen. Over half (57.5%) listed appearance as the biggest concern in their lives.

It would be easy to blame the today’s media for this phenomenon in today’s age of airbrushing magazine photographs and misleading “beautiful” icons. A study done in 2000 even showed that the average Miss America is 12% underweight and 2% taller than the average female. Today’s culture does give out its share of mixed signals. However, society began training the general public that appearance is everything long ago. For instance, it can be traced back to 650 B.C. when King Nebuchadnezzar besieged Jerusalem. Daniel 1:4 lists the first two characteristics he desired in those he wished to take back to Babylon as youthful and good-looking.

As Andreas Köstenberger has argued, many Christian self-help books rely more on secular teachings than biblical foundations. The problem begins with the label placed on this genre of literature. Christians should not rely on “self-help” books. God is
the ultimate Helper, and He has provided answers to life problems throughout His Word. Believers simply create more conflict in life when they attempt to map a plan for themselves rather than placing trust in God. For that reason, the primary text for this series will be the Bible itself, examining it as a whole to embrace God’s definition of beauty and avoid superficial cures for false instruction from a fallen world.