I Support Breast Cancer Awareness.

A few posts ago, I told you about my reading resolution to read the Bible through in 2010 with a group of women. We are 12 days in, and it has been a huge blessing. The women in this group are all seeking to grow in their faith. I have been challenged, encouraged, lifted up, and convicted....and it hasn't even been 2 weeks yet! (If you are a female and reading this, click here to join. There's still time for you to catch up, and you will be so blessed!)

One godly woman and a dear friend of mine raised the question, "I realize in Abraham’s day it was very common for men to have concubines, however, is adultery not adultery? Why do you suppose Genesis makes no mention of Abraham’s relationships with other women, yet David’s adultery is such a big deal? Unless I haven’t gotten that far yet… it seems inconsistent."

An amazing woman of faith answered her: "I haven't researched this, but it won't stop me from giving my opinion. I think Abraham's relationship with Hagar was a pretty big deal. God didn't speak to him for 13 years after Ishmael was born. David also had multiple wives and concubines, but his adultery was a big deal because he took another man's wife as his own. I'm planning to look into this further, but it seems to me that all the problems with multiple wives outlined in the Bible clearly points to the benefits of monogamy! I mean seriously - after reading the account of the jealousy between Sarah and Hagar or Rachel and Leah would you ever want to be part of a family with more than one woman seeking the affection of her husband?"

Ann's wisdom stirred in my heart something I have been praying about posting for the past few days, so I figured it was time to share. In case you are not on Facebook, a few days ago, an inbox chain began where women we supposed to pass along only to other women. In an effort to show their support for breast cancer awareness, the message said to post the color of your bra as your Facebook status.

I know I am labeled as being "ultra conservative," but as I watched these colored Facebook statuses go up from everyone from eighth graders I used to baby-sit to Christian women I respect, I couldn't help but think, "What has happened to our boundaries?"

It seemed a bit off topic for today's Bible reading discussion, but nevertheless, here it goes:

Even if our husbands don't actively engage in relationships with other women, I don't know many women who haven't had to cope with either their husband's past, wandering eyes, or struggles with pornography. While the men may be the ones committing these sins against their wives, I think it's also fair to examine the judgement of the women they are lusting after.

I know I've only been married for a little over 18 months, but I learned within the first week of being married just how visual men are. I mean, I've heard it my entire life, but as soon as I got married, I witnessed it first hand. (Explain to me how my husband can be dead asleep, yet when I walk into the bedroom to retrieve my clothes after getting out of the shower, he's IMMEDIATELY wide awake and ready to go!)

As women, it's not only our job to protect the purity of our husbands, but also the purity of the other men in our lives. I'm just going to say it: When our Facebook status says, "Pink lace," it doesn't matter how discreet we think we are being, it's not just a Facebook status update. To a man, it's a visual image of a woman who is not his wife. James made efforts to stay off of Facebook for a few days to help keep his thoughts pure, and that's just how one godly man responded. I'm sure there are men out there who took that simple game as an open invitation.

That situation was a good reminder for me to remember how different males and females are and to be extra careful to protect the Christian brothers in my life. Just as women desire to be protected and loved, we need to protect men from impure thought lives in every way we have control over- even if it seems like it's just a cute, fun game in support of a good cause.

As someone who has struggled to keep a pure thought life, here's a verse that helps me when making decisions: "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things" (Philippians 4:8).

Why I Don't Read the Twilight Series

I love to read. I always have. Usually, when a popular series comes out, I'm curious enough to at least check it out at the library. After all, regardless of whether it's my favorite genre or not, if it's good enough to get national attention, I figure I can at least learn something as a writer.

However, I was extremely skeptical about Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series. Call me crazy, but there didn't really seem anything too appealing to me about reading a teen "romance" novel if you can even call it that, since the guy is a vampire. Working on a master's degree gave me plenty of reading material, so I put reading the teen saga on hold.

Then, it seemed like the Twilight phenomenon exploded in my life. Tons of the women in our church's young adults ministry were reading them. My hairdresser gushed about them. This was expanding way beyond the tween market!

My breaking point happened when one of the guys in the college ministry put up a Facebook status that said, "[His name] is better than Edward Cullen." Girls came out of the woodworks to comment. Most of the responses were outright violent! How dare him EVEN think that he could ever be better than their precious Edward!

"He's a fictional character!" I thought. "Don't these girls understand how ridiculous they sound?"

That was enough to convince me I needed to see what the big fuss was all about.

Just a few chapters in, I realized why every girl who read these books was head over heels in love with Edward Cullen.

He's perfect...if you can overlook that whole vampire thing.

He's tall, dark and handsome. (His skin even sparkles in the sunlight!) He's mysterious. He's always the at the right place at the right time. He's a good guy. He refuses to pressure Bella sexually. In fact, he turns down her advances. And the best part? His one-liners.

"I dream about being with you forever."

"Look after my heart. I've left it with you."

"Do you really have any idea how important you are to me? Any concept at all of how much I love you?"

If you prefer poetic imagery, how about this?

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason...And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

After reading that phrase, I thought, "Come on, James. Why can't you ever say something like that?!"

And that was when I realized I had to put the book down.

I'm not going to go so far to say that all men are wired one way and all woman are wired another way. There may be some women out there who could read this without becoming personally involved in the story. But I know myself, and I know that this book is dangerous territory for me.

Why? Because I am most attracted to sensuality and emotionally-filled words.

For women who think like me, allow me to flip flop the situation for you.

Let's say your husband is like mine, meaning he would choose sexuality over sensuality, and if he had to choose between seeing you and hearing you, he would always prefer to be able to look at you. Knowing this about him, would you say that it's perfectly safe for him to watch pornography? What about a simple sex scene in a movie with a female actress that you know he thinks is extremely attractive?

No way.

My husband and I both made "True Love Waits" commitments in middle school, meaning that we vowed we would not have sex until we were married. For 23 years, I heard women talk about how "sex isn't like they show it on TV." Now that I'm married, I know they're right...and to be honest, it really frustrates me.

Here's the bottom line. It's the media's job is to attract viewers. What better way to ensure that you have a captivated audience than show men exactly what they want to see?

They show the woman engrossed in a one night stand, but they don't show her regret the next day...or the fact that she struggles with trusting people for the rest of her life. They show the female as the pursuer in the bedroom, but they don't show the insecurity she feels inside. I won't go into details here, but they show how sex is picture perfect and passion-filled from the beginning...when in reality, the only way to make sex enjoyable is to have it with one person and learn from one another over time. They show the couple having sex multiple times a day...when let's be honest - if you have jobs and responsibilities, most couples are doing pretty good if they average a couple of times a week.

Because of the way sex is often portrayed in the media, not even including pornography, it sets unclear expectations on women from their spouses. Even for couples who wait like my husband and I did, at the beginning, sex was nothing like he expected. The media had put unclear expectations in his head of what the "ideal sex life" was like.

It makes me angry that the media can fill our heads with these lies. Trust me. Marriage is a blessing, but it takes work. Additional complications are not neccessary! Putting wives on TV who wake up in the morning looking as perfect as they did before they washed their makeup off, who work full-time, start dinner and give their husband "dessert" on a nightly basis is just not realistic!

It's just as unrealistic as expecting my husband to know exactly what to say to take my breath away each time he opens his mouth.

As I've already pointed out, Edward Cullen isn't real. He's a fictional character...and a fictional character CREATED BY A WOMAN at that. Of course he knows to say exactly what every woman wants to hear. A woman wrote the book!

Again, I'm not saying that this should be the rule of thumb for every woman. I'm just suggesting...if you are inclined to think like I am, reverse the situation:

Would you want your husband to subject himself to any material that could possibly put unrealistic expectations in his head of how you were supposed to behave? My answer is no, so that is why I realize that I don't need to read things like this book.

Now, I didn't finish the book, so I can't give a full report of this, but I do want to make a few brief comments on the character of Bella. As soon as she discovers Edward is a vampire, she is so intrigued by his life that she becomes disgusted with her own humanity. Very quickly, Bella becomes willing to throw away her values, family and friends for a guy she barely knows...and what she does know of him is pretty dangerous.

My pointis not that idenitifying with character of Bella could cause a woman to desire to fall in with a vampire. However, especially by means of social media, it's easy for grown men to have access to young girls and lure them away from home...just by saying (or typing) the right words. Idolizing a character who desires to exchange her created purpose for another life, disobeys her parents and devalues herself is just not the role model I would want my daughter to have.

I don't think you are a bad person if you read this book or if you let your daughter read it. These are simply my own personal convictions and precautions. Sure, there's a chance that I could read this entire series, enjoy it and never put unrealistic expectations on my husband.

But my marriage is too valuable to me to take that chance.

My Will's and Won't of "I Do"

I wrote this three months before I got married. I thought I would post it to give my engaged friends some tips as they plan their weddings. Not only did these commitments make my engagement period much more enjoyable, but I believe it's helped my first year and a half of married life to be pure bliss. Enjoy!


The flower girl refuses to walk down the aisle. One bridesmaid forgot to get her nails done. The florist is short one centerpiece. Whatever will the bride do? Her perfect day is ruined. At the end of the ceremony, the bride is absolutely ______________.

Hysterical? Devastated? Maybe. But what is she absolutely? Married. Period. No matter what goes wrong, two things are left: the marriage and the pictures. So why have we turned wedding planning into a stressful and lengthy process?

Reality TV glorifies “bridezillas” who throw tantrums, put their families’ lives on hold, and force their parents to spend more money on a 20 minute ceremony than they spent on her college education. This behavior is not only accepted, but it’s expected.

The average cost of an American wedding is $28,800 – not including the rings, honeymoon, or wedding planner. (Why would you spend money on another opinion? Trust me. You will have enough.) Is this an investment? Perhaps. But Dr. Scott Stanley, author of The Power of Commitment, says 40-50% of young couples who marry will divorce.

Many people are shocked by this statistic. As a bride 96 days shy of our (not my) big day, I can clear up the confusion: Too much focus on the wedding. Too little focus on the marriage.

We’re not the only ones to blame, brides. Daily, we’re asked, “How’s the wedding planning?” But when was the last time someone asked about your preparations for marriage? No wonder we spend more time talking about the font for the invitations than offered advice on how to handle finances.

Divorce is not an option for me. Neither is valuing the wedding over the marriage. So here’s my plan:

I won’t spend more time dreaming, obsessing, and planning for the wedding than preparing for the marriage. Do I want a wedding or a marriage? Being married is work, and if I’m not willing to put in the effort, I should throw a big party because that’s all I want anyway.

I won’t try to be the bride AND the groom. If I trust him to take care of me for the rest of my life, he needs practice. He can pick out the ring, plan a honeymoon, and choose his groomsmen. And if his parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner, it’s up to them.

I won’t be a control freak. I picked a venue, set the date, and put it on my calendar. I selected a florist, chose the flowers, and paid the bill. In other words, I will do my part, delegate, and check it off my list.

I won’t repeat other’s mistakes. I hate paying too much money for an ugly dress I will never wear again. I will choose a color from one store that offers and variety of styles and prices. This way, I can let my bridesmaids choose a dress they can afford and feel comfortable in. (Plus, matchy matchy is not even in style anymore!)

I will say thank you and send thank you notes. This is practice for putting someone else above me, which is what marriage is all about. Plus, the more grateful I am, the easier I am to work with, and the more others will be willing to help me. I recognize I can’t plan a wedding alone.

I will seek advice from others. I will schedule pre-marital counseling sessions, ask questions of those who have marriages I respect, and read every book on marriage I can find. (P.S. This won’t end once I get married. I want to keep learning and keep getting better.)

I will expect imperfection. The day of the wedding, something will undoubtedly go wrong. Guaranteed. The only thing I can control is how I will respond. I can cry and make my mascara run, or I can smile, knowing I will laugh about it eventually.

I will eat, rest, and enjoy. Crash diets, lack of sleep, and stress will leave me unhealthy and unhappy. This is supposed to be the happiest day of my life. I can’t be a good wife if I’m sick and worn out. I will eat healthy, exercise, get enough rest and enjoy our engagement.

I realize keeping these guidelines will ruin my chances of being a reality TV star. America won’t be captivated by my fits or my dad’s checkbook. No one will fidget impatiently through a commercial break to see if my fiancé follows through with his threat to call off the wedding. But I imagine that I will still be smiling when I walk down the aisle in three months.

Peace out, Bridezilla. Hello, happy ever after.

Marriage: Ultimate Glorification of God

While God has chosen to use men and women to demonstrate aspects of Himself, one must never consider that God needs human beings to do His work, as Paul expressed in Acts 17:25. Instead, “all things were created through Him and for Him.” All of God’s creation exists to bring Him glory.

Many married couples bring to their relationship a view of God that is “so small instead of huge, and so marginal instead of central, and so vague instead of clear, and so impotent instead of all-determining, and so uninspiring instead of ravishing, that when they marry, the thought of living marriage to the glory of God is without meaning and without content.”

Knowing God for who He truly is, rather than who mankind selfishly wants Him to be, esteeming His glory over any personal agenda, and eliminating any disrespectful question of His plan from our impure thoughts is the only way to live our lives fully to His glory. Piper says, “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.”

While most of the debated New Testament passages refer to the marriage relationship, females still cannot dismiss these teachings if they are single. Not only is no one exempt from creation order, but Proverbs 31:12 says, “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Since mankind is incapable of knowing what tomorrow holds, every woman who professes Christ should sumbit to the Lord, embracing her created purpose, rather than anxiously seeking a man to marry or insisting that she will never marry. Women should submit to men’s leadership over the church and the home. Adopting a serving and submissive spirit, women should pray that thier attitude, like Jesus Christ, will further reveal God to a lost world.

Likewise, the best preparation for males to handle headship like Christ is to be faithful to “seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness.” In an attempt to display God’s communicable attributes and mimic Christ’s love for the church, Christian men should refuse to see headship as an opportunity for dominating women, but as a chance to truly seek the Father’s wisdom for his family. More than likely, Christians will not be able to convince the media to go back to a sitcom displaying correct gender roles in the family. However, true realization that the Father knows best has the power to eliminate distorted family structures within our churches.

My Sources:

Biblical Foundations for Manhood and Womanhood, edited by Wayne Grudem

P.S. The picture above is from our wedding. James and I both treasure this moment as the most special time of our wedding day. No unity candle, no unity sand - just our closest friends and family gathered around us in a continual prayer that God will be glorified through our marriage.

True Masculinity & Femininity

Throughout Scripture, God reveals Himself using masculine terms. Egalitarians say this is another way for humans to understand God, just as He compares Himself to animals and inanimate objects. The main problem with this view is that God created males and females in His image. He did not create Himself to be like human beings. Rather, God created masculinity to augment some of His attributes and created femininity to such display others.

This does not imply that God is male or female. God is not established by gender, but by His simultaneous plurality and unity. Genesis 1:26 says, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness…” (emphasis added). As made in the Trinitarian God’s image, males and females are equal yet different.

Referring back to Ephesians 5, God has given men headship over women, just as Christ has dominion over the church. Men are not given freedom to interpret this headship position on their own. They are instructed to follow the pattern of Christ. While complementarians disagree with much of the feminist movement, most do not hold feminists as the ones who are ultimately responsible.

Rather, they attribute the feminist movement to the negligence of men to practice humble headship like Christ. One theologian notes, “I believe that if Christian men had been the servant leaders in the home, rather than conceited chauvinists, the feminist movement would have died a quick and easy death…I am tired of hearing that feminists are responsible for the breakdown of the family. We need to put the responsibility where it belongs – on the heads of homes.”

Women are just as guilty of not being obedient to their created purpose. “God created woman to directly reflect the man’s headship authority by recognizing it, revealing it, submitting to it, receiving it, and supporting his leadership.” More often, women end up ignoring it, resenting it, rebuking it, disobeying it, and discouraging male leadership.

Appalling feminists everywhere, I Corinthians 11:7 describes women as “the glory of men.” But where is the egalitarian objection that Jesus was sent to glorify the Father? Each time a groom beams as his bride walks down the aisle, Christians should be reminded of the Father’s words from heaven: “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.” Each time a woman gives birth to a child, this miracle should serve as a reminder that eternal life can only come from the knowledge of Jesus Christ.

Egalitarians dismiss many of the gender-related passages with an “ad hoc” argument, meaning that they believe these passages were written out of historical circumstance and only refer to the original audience. Due to the mention of head coverings, I Corinthians 11 is a passage egalitarians often disregard theologically. However, because of Paul’s use of the Trinity, an omnipresent deity, there is no way to interpret this as simply cultural wisdom.

While most complementarians agree that this passage does not indicate women today must wear a hat at all times, the cultural implications should remain. “Wearing a head covering communicated a submissive demeanor and a feminine adornment.” Therefore, as women pray or prophesy in public, they must communicate their support for male headship with appropriate conduct and mannerisms.

Teaching Scripture within biblical parameters includes more than just following the Titus 2 mandate of only teaching women. Women should seek to be earnest expositors of God’s Word without emasculating their God-given feminine characteristics. Women were created “to be reverent in their behavior” and embody an “imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”

Titus 2:4-5 lays out the curriculum for older women to teach younger women to work at home and love their husbands and children, while pursuing purity, wisdom and kindness to uphold the commands in Scripture. This does not mean women are to deliver emotionally driven and spiritually shallow messages. Simply, there are some things God knew pastors, as men, would not be able to teach from the pulpit with the same effect as a biblical woman who has been there.

My Sources:

Discovering Biblical Equality: Complementarity without Hierarchy, edited by Ronald W. Pierce and Rebecca Merrill Groothuis

"God, Gender, and Biblical Metaphor (Chapter 16) by Judy L. Brown," by H. Wayne House in the Journal of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

20 Controversies that Almost Killed a Church by Richard L. Ganz

Men and Women: Equal Yet Different by Alexander Strauch

Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, edited by Wayne Grudem and John Piper

For further discussion on the difference between prophecy and teaching, see Wayne Grudem, “Prophecy—Yes, But Teaching—No: Paul’s Consistent Advocacy of Women’s Participation Without Governing Authority,” The Journal of the Evangelical Theological Society 30 (1987): 11-23.

The Danger of A Personal Agenda

As early as Eve in the Garden of Eden, feminism’s true quest has been for superiority. Carolyn McCulley says, “One woman decided that God’s boundaries and definition for her weren’t good…The seeds of feminism are, ‘I want what I want,’ ‘I want to define it how I want it,’ and ‘I don’t want to give God the glory.’” The desired object may no longer involve the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. The desire to become one’s own God, however, seems to be like a ribbon flowing throughout history that Satan uses to pull people away from God. There is natural rebellion against the prophet Isaiah’s words that God’s ways are higher than man’s ways, and His thoughts are higher than human thoughts.

Recognizing that it was “not good for man to be alone,” God made a “helper fit for him” by creating Eve. In The Feminist Mystique, Betty Friedan tells countless tales of women who feel oppressed by the stereotypical image of females. One woman insists she loves her husband, children and home, but feels she has no personality. She says, “I’m a server of food and a putter-on of pants and a bedmaker, somebody who can be called on when you want something. But who am I?” Selfishly wanting success in some form other than in the family she claims to love, this woman’s personal agenda, like many others, prevents her from flourishing in the Father’s purpose for her life. This is hardly a twentieth century struggle.

James 3:14-16 says, “But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.”

This is exactly what has happened in the world today. Resentment of the created purpose of males and females has created the muddle of effeminate men, manly females, and transgenders. The same bitterness produces depraved habits including homosexuality and pornography. One theologian evaluated the cost of feminism “cannot be measured by MasterCard, for some things are priceless. It is measured in the fifty percent divorce rate, the destruction of the family unity, the elimination of forty million unborn children, and the proliferation of pornography, and its ugly cousin, sexually transmitted diseases.”

What if Jesus Christ had come to earth with a personal agenda? Not only was He brought into the world with the incomprehensible task of living a sinless life and dying for humanity’s sin, but He was also the only One to never question the Father’s authority. Praying in the Garden of Gethsemane before He was crucified, Jesus said, "My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.”

Though he was fully God, He knew that His role was to be submissive to the Father. According to Paul, Jesus “did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.”

Christ’s task was much more demoralizing than making a few beds or cooking a few meals. Realizing the cross that was before him, human logic can see how easy it could have been for Jesus to resent that the Father did not choose him to build the ark like Noah, part the Red Sea like Moses, or ride a chariot of fire to heaven like Elijah. However reasonable this thought is, Paul shares reality in Philippians 2:8. Jesus “humbled himself, by becoming obedient to the point of death.”

Jesus Christ could have used His deity to climb down from the cross. He could have fought back. He had the power, but he refused to use it, because He sought to fulfill the lifelong covenant that God made with Abraham. Andreas J. Kostenberger argues marriage is a comparable covenant “because it is rooted in creation and the will of the Creator Himself.”

I Corinthians 12:9-10 should encourage married couples to seek God’s sufficient grace and power made perfect in weakness rather than divorce. Paul writes, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Works Cited:

The Feminist Mystique by Betty Friedan

"Biblical Manhood and Womanhood and The Contemporary Collapse of Sexual Moral," by Peter Jones - (http://www.cbmw.org/images/articles_pdf/jones_peter/sexualmorals.pdf)

Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World by Carolyn McCulley

The Strength of Submission

Since the days of Tertullian, the Church has believed that the Father, Son, and Spirit are God. They are one, but there are also distinctions among them. Jesus Christ, the Son, came to earth to complete the will of the Father. Though Jesus was obedient to the Father, He has always been viewed as equally God and equally essential to Christianity. A.H. Strong says, “The subordination of the person of the Son to the person of the Father, or in other words an order of personality, office, and operation which permits the Father to be officially first, the Son second, and the Spirit third, is perfectly consistent with equality. Priority is not necessarily superiority.”

Prior to the gender debate, most evangelicals were in agreement concerning the doctrine of the Trinity. In fact, when the Evangelical Theological Society (ETS) attempted to set the margins of its doctrinal basis to capture a broad audience, they decided on the inerrancy of Scripture and basic views of the Trinity as the society’s core concerns. The ETS statement reads: "The Bible alone, and the Bible in its entirety, is the Word of God written and is therefore inerrant in the autographs. God is a Trinity, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, each an uncreated person, one in essence, equal in power and glory."

As complementarians began capturing the illustration of gender roles and the Trinity, the views of evangelical feminists began to change. Egalitarians insist that complementarians hold the heretical view of subordination. However, complementarians do not condone an ontological difference between the Father and the Son. I Corinthians 15:28 says, “When all things are subjected to him, then the Son himself will also be subjected to Him who put all things in subjection under Him, that God may be all in all.”

Jesus’ voluntary obedience to the Father did not make Him inferior in essence, but gave the Father priority of authority. Taking away equality or role differences between the Father, the Son and the Spirit essentially abandons the Trinity, which is the center of the Christian faith. Herman Bavick went as far to say, “In the confession of the Trinity throbs the heart of the Christian religion: every error results from, or upon deeper reflection may be traced to, a wrong view of this doctrine.”

Complementarians were not first to draw this comparison. I Corinthians 11:3 says, “But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.” Paul quickly establishes three headship relationships exist between Christ and man, man and woman, and God and Christ. As Paul notes these relationships, he shows that Jesus Christ is the example for both genders, as He is submissive to the Father but also the head over man. The headship and submissive roles assigned to men and women in creation offer the ideal opportunity for both genders to apply Scripture’s teaching to strive after Christ’s righteousness.

A similar passage in Ephesians 5:24-25 says, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Christ loved the church through times of obedience and rebellion, and He died to cover all human sin. Yet, feminists frequently scrutinize these passages by saying the Bible’s “hierarchy created about the whole love life of woman an atmosphere of degradation.” In this passage, redemption resonates far above restriction, and salvation outweighs subjection. Headship and submission were never created, but have always existed in the nature of God Himself.

In Woman and the New Race, Margaret Sanger, a feminist best known for initiating the birth control movement through the establishment of Planned Parenthood Federation of America, insisted that with the world of women’s liberation: "There will come a Plato who will be understood, a Socrates who will drink no hemlock, and a Jesus who will not die upon the cross." What Sanger thought was a statement of deliverance was nothing less than condemnation of the entire human race.

The core of Christianity can be summarized by submission. If Jesus had refused to die on the cross and submit to the Father’s plan, both males and females would be left without the hope of redemption. Instead, “the ultimate and telling proof that equality and submission may coexist in glorious harmony is found in the mediatorial mission of the Son of God…who completed it in the true liberation of submission to His Father.”

Further explanation...

Tertullian: an early church father who was the first to name the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit in the term "the Trinity'

Subordination: This is best referred to as putting yourself under someone else's authority (Ex - Children are subordinate to their parents, Humans are subordinate to God).

Complementarian: This is the view that I believe: God created men and women equally, but he also gave them different gender-defined roles. (Males - Husband, Father, Provider, Protector; Females - Wife, Mother, Nurturer). Check out more at http://www.cbmw.org

Egalitarian: also referred to as evangelical feminists, this group believes that one's gender does not determine role or status in life, nor does it limit spiritual giftedness and ministry opportunities. Essentially, they believe the only differences between males and females are physical. You can learn more on their website: http://www.cbeinternational.org

Headship: Humble, loving leadership, such as Christ's love and authority over the church

Submission: Humble, serving respect, such as Jesus' obedience to the Father's plan for His death on the cross for the forigiveness of sin

My Sources:

An Introduction to Biblical Doctrine: Systematic Theology by Wayne Grudem

The Hermeneutics of Doctrine by Anthony C. Thiselton,

Systematic Theology by Augustus H. Strong

Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, edited by Wayne Grudem and John Piper

Men and Women: Equal Yet Different by Alexander Strauch

Every Fairytale Needs a Rock

Snow White had seven dwarfs. Cinderella had glass slippers (or slipper depending on where you are in the story.) The Little Mermaid even claimed she was "the girl who has everything." But they were all missing the one thing you need for an amazing fairytale romance.

A rock.

Not the answer you were expecting? Hear me out.

You can find the world's biggest rock in Australia. Mount Augustus stands 2,815 feet above the surounding plain, 3,625 feet above sea level and covers 29,794,749 miles. Umm...that's a pretty big rock. Think you could move it? Shake it? Break it? Doubtful. (And if you can, I'm really thankful that there are computer screens between us!)

Imagine the God of the universe as a Rock. Using the information we have about God, His idea of a rock resembles something like Mars. Compared to Him, Mount Augustus is not even a pebble. I wouldn't dream of trying to move that Rock.

But I've tried to do it anyway. When His way didn't quite align up with mine, I've tried to push Him out of my way. I've tried to persuade Him to get what I want, even if I know deep down it's not in His perfect plan...which is as dumb as trying to move Mars.

God should be the foundation - the rock - for your love. A relationship on a foundation of superficial things will crumble. God is the only thing in this life that is unchanging and immovable. A lasting romantic relationship is not between two people, but three: God, Mr. Right, and you.

If you are reading this and married, maybe you need to ask yourself the role God plays in your marriage. If you're single, you have the opportunity to start your love of your future spouse right now by building your love of Christ.

One more thing...there's one more thing about falling in. What's the first thing you would do if you fell in a hole? A ditch? Anything below the ground?

Get out. Of course.

Another great reason not to fall in love. If you don't fall in love, you can't get out of love.

Here are some statistics that might surprise you. The Barna Research group did a study a few years back on divorce, and here is what they found: 11% of the adult population is currently divorced. 25% of adults have had at least one divorce during their lifetime. Between 41-43% of married couples today will eventually get divorced. Surprised yet? If you're not, here is one that I bet will get you...

*Divorce rates among conservative Christians were significently higher ,than for other faith groups, including atheists (people who don't believe God exists)
and agnostics (people who don't think we will ever know in this life if there is a God or not).*

Talk about a wake-up call! People who don't even believe that God exists are less likely to get divorced than God's children. That's why we have to be especially careful in our romantic relationships. Satan attacks wherever He can, and right now, it appears he is calling for war on the Christian family.

Think about it. Read over the statistics again if you need to. If Christians would build solid marriages based on the Lord and stop divorcing, non-believers would stampede the church, demanding to know our secrets. They would demand to meet our God.

One of my favorite professors advised me, "If you are looking for a mate, stop. Run after God as fast as you can. As you're running, continually look to your left and your right to see who's running beside you. When you find someone who is consistently running your pace, grab their hand, and chase after God together. Nothing can break that stride."

Ephesians 2:19-22
"So then you are no longer strangers and alients, but you are fellow citizens with the saints, and are of God's household, having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus Himself being the corner stone, in whom the whole building, being fitted together, is growing into a holy temple in the Lord, in whom you are also being built together into a dwelling of God in the Spirit."

The ONLY Time to Treat Your Man Like a Toddler

Have you ever been around an infant learning how to walk? It's a unique experience. You would think my parents actually developed the concept of The Truman Show... with a few exceptions. First of all, I was completely aware of the fact I had a video camera in my face 24/7. They were also kind enough not to actually go live.

Nevertheless, my entire childhood is archived in a now-burned-to-DVD library. As my dad turned the VHS tapes to DVD to ensure their preservation, I would often hear sounds of my childhood coming from his office. One day, I was in another room watching TV when I was interrupted by deafening cheers coming from my dad's TV.

I paused for a minute and pictured what could be happening. As my dad cheered, "Come on, Chelle, get up. You can do it," I pictured myself mounting the balance beam. Manouvering graciously on the two-inch wide beam, the crowd "oohs" and "aahs" at my high level of technical difficulty expressed with grace and ease. The moment comes....the suspense is building...the intensity can only mean one thing...a deep breath in preparation for my double pike dismount off the beam...PERFECT LANDING! AND THE CROWD IS GOING WILD!

Shaking my head back to reality, I remember that I am not, nor was I ever, a world-renowned gymnast (or anything close, for that matter.) Curiosity gets the best of me, and I peak my head in my dad's office to the screen. The look on my dad's face looks almost identical to his face on the screen as he watches with excitement that can only be explained by love for his little girl.

The scene is repetitive: It consists of me crawling, finding something stable, like the leg of a chair, to grip too, as I slowly stumble on wobbly legs to a standing position. Bravely, I let go of the trusty chair leg....take half a step...and plop down on my diaper. Not exactly the double pike dismount I pictured.

But imagine what would have happened if after I took two steps, my mom had screamed, "What's wrong with you, kid?! Why can't you take more than three steps without falling down? Come on, now...WALK!" I'm not sure I would have gotten back up again. But each time I fell down, her eyes beamed with pride, she clapped her hands, and cheered, "Yay!!!"

When does that acceptance and praise end? Why do we treat others differently as we age? Do we learn to be perfect with age? Absolutely not. No matter how old we are, we always respond better to praise than we respond to criticism.

Proverbs 18:20-21 says, "With the fruit of a man's mouth his stomach will be satisfied;
He will be satisfied with the product of his lips.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
And those who love it will eat its fruit." (NASB)

With praise, we can inspire life - motivation, energy, the desire to be better. With criticism, we inflect death - discouragement, discontent, and lowered confidence that we can ever do anything right.

Narrow this idea down to one relationship - perhaps your marriage. Does your husband get more affirmation at home than he gets anywhere else? Does he rush home from work for encouragement from you, or does he linger at the office because it's the only place he feels he's successful?

Test the power of the tongue. Praise your husband when you're alone, in front of your children, in front of his parents and your parents, in front of his peers, in front of his friends...

And remember...half a step...PLOP! These don't have to be major accomplishments, like a promotion at work or winning the men's ministry golf tournament at church. Praise him for the little things, and you will be amazed at the renewed life in your home.

Here are some ideas to help you get started:

"I really appreciate you vacuuming the house while I was out of town. It's so nice to come home to a clean house."

"That was really great of you to go vist her in the hospital. I know how busy we are, but I know it meant the world to her family."

"I can tell the hard work you put into that message. We're so blessed when you study His Word that intently."

My Home In You

My lips don’t always find the right words,
Please listen and know my heart.
Whether dreams are reality,
Or plans fall apart,
All my wishes came true,
When I found you.

Be everything I am and all I know.
Love everything I’m not and help me grow.
Take my trust and run the show.
Wherever you lead, I will go.
Your faith and hope carry me through.
Your strength, I cling to,
As the Lord, you pursue.
I have found my home in you.

No more can I make myself less,
Since you came along and made me whole.
Wild at heart and strong in mind,
You set me above and defend my soul,
Bold but tender, you examine each step,
Your eyes set on the One in control.

Can’t see everything in view.
Roads untraveled and journeys brand new.
Unsure, unknown. But then I see you,
Your faith and hope carry me through.
Your strength, I cling to,
As the Lord, you pursue.
I have found my home in you.

Comfort covers me,
Since I am yours forever.
His Word says,
His uniting love,
Will bind us together.
A cord of three strands,
No man can sever.
And leaving or forsaking,
Our God will never.

Life will bring change,
My promise stays the same.
My commitment, covenant and love,
I always will claim.
Your faith and hope carry me through.
Your strength, I cling to,
As the Lord, you pursue.
I have found my home in you.

Bringing Back the Bride

The flower girl sits down in the middle of the aisle during the processional. One bridesmaid insists on flip-flops instead of heels. The florist shows up – one centerpiece short. Whatever will the bride do? Her perfect day is ruined. At the end of the ceremony, the bride is absolutely ______________.

Hysterical? Devastated? Maybe. But what is she absolutely? Married. Period. No matter what goes wrong, two things are left: the marriage and the pictures. But somehow over the years, society has turned “every little girl’s dream” into everyone else’s nightmare.

Every wedding has a groom, but his spouse’s title varies. If he is marrying a relentless woman in getting what she (and only she) wants, who focuses so much on the wedding that she becomes unbelievably obnoxious and difficult, he’s dealing with Bridezilla. Juggling a Jeckyll and Hyde routine between a traditional bride and Godzilla, she considers herself and her wedding to be more important than anything, including her fiancé, finances, family and friendships.

Reality TV glorifies “bridezillas” who throw tantrums, put their families’ lives on hold, and force their parents to spend more money on a 20 minute ceremony than they spent on her college education. This behavior is not only accepted, but it’s expected.

There’s also the anti-bride – the woman who wants a ceremony that completely shatters society’s preconceived concept of brides and weddings. Goodbye bridal teas, white dresses, and unity candles. Hello whatever random she picks.

The average cost of an American wedding is $28,800 – not including the rings, honeymoon, or wedding planner. (Another point for another article…but I can’t imagine paying for another opinion. I have plenty.) Is this an investment? Perhaps. But Dr. Scott Stanley, author of The Power of Commitment, says 40-50% of young couples who marry will divorce.

As a bride 18 days shy of our (not my) big day, I can clear up the confusion: Too much focus on the wedding. Too little focus on the marriage. For example, Webster’s Dictionary defines a bride as a “newly married woman or a woman about to be married.” Finally – a definition that refers to MARRIAGE!

We’re not the only ones to blame, brides. Daily, we’re asked, “How’s the wedding planning?” But when was the last time someone asked about your preparations for marriage? No wonder we spend more time talking about the font for the invitations than how we will handle finances.

Here’s the bottom line: Divorce is not an option for me. Neither is valuing the wedding over the marriage. So here’s my plan to bring back the bride.

I won’t spend more time dreaming, obsessing, and planning for the wedding than preparing for the marriage. Do I want a wedding or a marriage? Being married is work, and if I’m not willing to put in the effort, I should throw a big party because that’s all I want anyway.

I won’t be the groom. If I trust him to take care of me for the rest of my life, he needs practice. He can pick out the ring, plan a honeymoon, and choose his groomsmen. And if his parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner, it’s up to them.

I won’t be a control freak. I picked a venue, set the date, and put it on my calendar. I selected a florist, chose the flowers, and paid the bill. In other words, I will do my part, delegate, and check it off my list.

I won’t repeat other’s mistakes. I hate paying too much money for an ugly dress I will never wear again. I will choose a color and let my bridesmaids choose a dress they can afford and feel comfortable in.

I will say thank you. And send thank you notes. This is practice for putting someone else above me. Plus, the more grateful I am, the easier I am to work with, and the more others will be willing to help me. I recognize I can’t plan a wedding alone.

I will seek advice from others. I will schedule pre-marital counseling sessions, ask questions of those who have marriages I respect, and read any marriage materials recommended.

I will expect imperfection. Something will go wrong. Guaranteed. The only thing you can control is how you will respond. I can cry and make my mascara run, or I can smile, knowing I will laugh about it eventually.

I will eat, rest, and enjoy. Crash diets, lack of sleep, and stress will leave me unhealthy and unhappy. This is supposed to be the happiest day of my life. I can’t be a good wife if I’m sick and worn out.

I realize keeping these guidelines will ruin my chances of being a reality TV star. America won’t be captivated by my fits or my dad’s checkbook. No one will fidget impatiently through a commercial break to see if my fiancé follows through with his threat to call off the wedding. I won’t get the satisfaction of the shock factor when I walk down the aisle in a cowboy hat instead of a veil. But I guarantee that I will cherish my marriage ‘til death do us part.

Take that, Bridezilla. You too, Anti-Bride.

Top 10 Three-Word Phrases Females Would Love to Hear

Everyone knows the three-word phrase that women love to hear: "I love you." However, there's a plethera of untapped three-word phrases with endless possibilities. Husbands, dads, boyfriends, employees with a female boss...try these, and you can thank me later.

#10 - YOU WERE RIGHT.
Of course, she knows she's right. But that doesn't change the fact that she wants to know that you know that she is right!

#9 - I WAS WRONG.
You may think this is stating this obvious. On the contrary, by saying you are wrong, it makes her realize that you are smart. Better to be wrong and smart than wrong AND dumb!

#8 - I AM SORRY.
This phrase should immediately follow #10 and #9. If she was right and you were wrong, then you shouldn't have done it, said it, worn it, etc. Apologizing is not optional. Consider it mandatory.

#7 - LET’S EAT OUT.
With three words, you have eliminated the stress of "How in the world am I going to make something a meal that he won't think is "girl food" and I don't have to question if it still mooing or oinking. You have given her time and energy. Totally worth the cash.

#6 - YOU LOOK THINNER.
It doesn't matter if she is trying to lose weight. Her self esteem will soar. Seriously. Just try it.

#5 - I’LL CLEAN UP.
In the event that we cook, work on a project for you, etc., one of the most annoying things is immediately going back to work. Showing her you love her goes even further than saying it.

#4 - LET’S JUST CUDDLE.
It's no secret than men and women are wired differently. It will blow your mind how this could effect her entire mindset.

#3 - WHICH CHORE FIRST?
And after she comes back from a paralyzed state of shock, you won't believe the smiles and hugs that you will get for the rest of the day.

#2 - TAKE YOUR TIME.
Give her the time she needs to get ready, and don't make her feel rushed. It will be worth your wait. Promise.

And the last one really needs a drumroll.......

#1 - BUY THEM BOTH.
Sometimes, she seriously can't decide. And she really wants both but knows that is asking too much. But if you give her permission to buy both, then she won't feel so bad. This is an occassional phrase, of course. Not every time. Then again, it won't hurt you if you do...